Only Fitting
by Kay

I never would have imagined that this is the way it would happen...that it would end this way. Even as I stand here, clad in my dark suit, I don't want to accept that this day has finally come.

We're about to perform together for the last time. Then *NSYNC will cease to be, fade into only a memory. For us and everyone else.

Maybe it's better this way. At least people won't just stop caring about the group and toss us out like yesterday's garbage. But I can't bring myself to believe that it's all for the best. Not under the circumstances, not with the price that was paid to bring about the end.

We decided to sing "Here and Now." It always was Chris' favorite. Oh, if only he were here to sing it with us now! We had to completely rework the parts to cover for his absence, but we all agreed that this was the song. The only fitting way for us to end.

You know, some people actually didn't understand why we couldn't go on anyway. JC about went ballistic when one reporter asked why it mattered so much that Chris was gone. If Lance hadn't been there to hold JC back, I have no doubt that the reporter would have regretted asking such a question very much.

That thought actually makes me smile. Smiling's been difficult lately because...I hate change so much! And now, everything's changing. I hate to even imagine my life without being *NSYNC, but it's about to become a reality.

Not much longer now. I check my watch, then glance up, catching Joey's eye. He attempts to smile, but instead, his eyes fill up with tears. Surprisingly enough, he's taken this the hardest of us all. The always happy, always laughing Joey can't even manage to crack a smile. You know, I always thought he would have been the one to lift everyone's spirits, no matter what the situation. That he would be our rock...

No, that's not true. I always thought that Chris would be the strength of the group, the one who could make everything all right. But I was wrong. Even though I know I shouldn't, I can't help the feeling of bitterness that washes over me. How could Chris just leave us like this? Leave me! Hell, he's been like my brother, my protector, since I was fourteen! But now...

I choke down tears because I know it's almost time for us to go on. I feel a nudge and turn to see JC.

"Hackey?" he asks quietly, holding it up.

I wipe my eyes and take it from his hand. Somehow, JC still has the one we used the very first time. I look up at him and manage a smile.

"Of course. We can't break tradition now," I reply, looking into his blue eyes. At first, those eyes were filled with anger and disbelief, but now they contain resignation and a hit of nostalgia. I understand it because I feel the same thing.

We gather into our circle, smaller now than it used to be. I start. I kick the sack to Lance, who kicks it to JC, who kicks it to Joey. From years of practice, we complete the circle first try, with no mistakes. Though each kick feels like a blow to my heart, I'm oddly disappointed. I want more time in the small circle with the only three men in the entire world who are of the same mind, spirit, heart, and voice as I am.

We gather in for our group hug, and it seems to last forever or only a breath or no time at all. I pull away from my brothers, knowing that this moment will be with all of us for the rest of our lives.

It's time now.

JC leads the way in, followed by Lance, Joey, and finally, me. We pick up the microphones (which, though as familiar to me as a pencil, now feels completely foreign), arrange ourselves in our lacking semicircle, and prepare to give our final performance, a tribute to all things that must come to an end.

The opening music, then:

JC's voice cracks a little as he sings, choked with tears.

We all join in, but I can hear nothing but the gaping emptiness where Chris' voice should be.

As Lance begins his part, I can hear the raw emotion that he's trying to restrain.

As we near the end of the song, I finally open my eyes and look at Joey. Through my tears, I see a look that almost resembles peace on his face.

The final chorus. I put my heart and soul into it, wanting to do us all proud. For me, nothing exists but us and the music.

And it's over. Others exchange pleasantries, but the four of us don't say our good-byes. We understand, we don't need words. We've said all we need to say to each other.

But there's one more thing I have to take care of. I get in my car and drive. On the way, I see some wildflowers growing along the road. I stop, pick a few, and continue on my way; I take them to their new home. I look down at them and smile in satisfaction. It's perfect.

Right here, right now, I feel a measure of the peace I saw on Joey's face. One era of my life is over, but a new one is beginning. I can almost hear Chris reassuring me, saying, "It's okay. Everything will be all right." And I know it will. One last smile and I turn away. Once at my car, I turn to look back at the flowers. They contrast nicely against the gray stone; a bright spot, just like Chris. It's only fitting.

END.